Kitchen Blues (TWxPG)

“What?! My mom’s coming here this evening?!” Phantom Girl screeched in the middle of the Legion conference room, earning her wide-eyed stares from Lightning Lad and Saturn Girl.

“Yes…” replied an annoyed Cosmic Boy from the large holographic screen. He sighed and continued, “I spoke with RJ Brande about our general concerns regarding the lack of support for the Legion from the intergalactic community. He helped me construct an official Legion charter and spoke with the President. Brande, the President, and two other delegates will be visiting us tonight for dinner, so this is our chance to convince them of the legitimacy of our group. I will also be there.”        

“Ugh, this is terrible,” Phantom Girl groaned. “Why didn’t she tell me?”

“Your mom is a busy woman,” Saturn Girl consoled. “Don’t be upset about a surprise visit. If anything we should be thankful that the President is trying to strengthen ties with the Legion.”

“Psh, yeah right,” Lightning Lad scoffed. “If she really wants to ‘strengthen ties’ why not get the Science Police off our asses instead of having dinners with us?”

“Lightning Lad,” Saturn Girl glared at the young man, who brushed off her warning with a shrug.

“That’s actually one of the amendments of the charter,” Cosmic Boy explained. “If we get the politicians to sign this document, it would increase our funding, expand our diplomatic relations, and we’d be able to build headquarters on other planets.”  

“How are we supposed to get everything ready?” Phantom Girl asked, spreading her arms out and letting them drop back down to her sides. “Where are we going to order a decent dinner in time?”

“We actually have an even bigger concern than that,” the blonde telepath interjected. “It’s that time again for the Alignment on Planet Colu. Brainy, being outside the Collective, won’t be himself.”  

Phantom Girl groaned in exasperation as she recalled the stress of dealing with their android teammate’s antics during the previous Coluan Alignment.

“Well this should be interesting,” Lightning Lad snickered.  

“I’m confident you guys will take care of things by the time we arrive. I need to make some last minute arrangements before the dinner. Good luck. Cos, signing out.”  

Phantom Girl sank into the nearest chair and put her head down on the table, burying her face in her arms.

“Cheer up,” Saturn Girl said, touching the girl’s shoulder. “I’ll go make sure Superman is keeping Brainy contained in his chamber.”

“Yeah, don’t worry,” Lightning Lad said to Phantom Girl. “I’m sure Timber Wolf could just hop on the ship and get some Zuunium to make Brainy normal again. Oh wait, do we have time for that? Nope! Ha!”

Phantom Girl was about to snap at the red-haired teen, but an idea lit up in her head as she realized something. “Timber Wolf, of course! Lightning Lad you’re a genius!” she said, pulling the boy into a tight hug.

“Yeah, I am, now get off me,” the boy choked. He didn’t need to repeat himself, because Phantom Girl was already rushing out of the conference room.    

…..

Chameleon Boy and Timber Wolf were sitting on high stools in the large Legion kitchen laughing and talking. Cham was munching on freshly washed green grapes and Timber Wolf was eating a round, red and orange fruit, using a large kitchen knife to cut slices of it and put it in his mouth.

“So I told Clark look man, Rokk’s the type of dude that reminds his teacher that he has a detention,” Cham said, earning him a chuckle from the taller, wolf-like Legionnaire. Just then, Phantom Girl ran into the kitchen.

“Timber Wolf! Timber Wolf! I need your help! My mom and a bunch of other people are coming to dinner this evening! Think you’d be able to prepare a big feast for us?”

“Oh, is that tonight? My dad told me about that like two weeks ago,” Cham said nonchalantly, inspecting a grape before popping it in his mouth.

“So you knew? Why didn’t you tell me?” Phantom Girl asked.

“I thought you of all people would know,” Cham retorted.  

As the two bickered back and forth, Timber Wolf sharply spat out a seed from his mouth, which made a perfect trajectory into the trash bin.

“I’m honored by your confidence in my catering abilities,” Timber Wolf said, gruff words delicately laced with subtle sarcasm, “but why should I help you?” He cut another slice of the red orange fruit and bit into the morsel, slightly baring his teeth as his mouth grazed the knife. For a split second Phantom Girl wondered which was sharper: the butcher knife, or his fangs.

“Because you’re amazing at cooking and baking and maybe you can impress them with an awesome dinner so that they’ll sign the Legion charter?” Phantom Girl begged innocently.    

Timber Wolf regarded her for a moment before shrugging and saying, “Alright.”

“Really?! Oh thank you so much!” Phantom Girl wrapped her arms around Timber Wolf’s shoulders in a quick embrace before turning to leave. Almost immediately she was pulled back, and she turned to see that Timber Wolf had grabbed her wrist.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Timber Wolf said, pulling her towards him.

“Huh?” Phantom Girl asked, not understanding what was happening.

“You’re gonna help me,” Timber Wolf explained.

“Wha-, but I don’t know how to cook!”

“Then I’ll teach you. You didn’t think you could just waltz in here and tell me to cook an entire meal all on my own, did you?”

Phantom Girl blinked for a moment before sheepishly grinning. “Hehehe, of course not! Heh...”  

“Good,” Timber Wolf said, finally letting her go and pointing in the other direction. “Now go over there and get out a cutting board. Wash your hands and cut up all the vegetables on the first rack in the fridge. I’ll get started on the main course and baking the dessert.”

“Oh, oh! I’ll help too! What can I do?” Cham said excitedly and jumped out of his high chair.

Timber Wolf used his finger to tap the air in front of him, and a small virtual display screen popped up. He entered a few things onto the screen and waved his hand, and the virtual screen moved through the air over to Cham. 

“Go to the nearest supermarket and buy these ingredients,” was all Timber Wolf said, his back turned to his Durlan teammate as he busied himself with gathering various cooking utensils.

“Ay-ay captain!” Cham saluted before running off.  

Phantom Girl frowned as she rolled up her sleeves and got out the vegetables as Timber Wolf had instructed. She felt bad – not because she had to do work, but because she inconsiderately thought she wouldn’t have to. Truthfully, she didn’t want Timber Wolf to think that she was some kind of spoiled brat…

There was silence as the two teammates worked at opposite ends of the kitchen, the only sounds being running water and the clanking of pots.

…..

Saturn Girl walked through the Legion corridors towards the area she knew Brainy chose to seclude himself while he experienced the effects of the Alignment. When she arrived, her heart skipped a beat when she saw the door to the chamber open and Superman lightly banging his head against the wall.  

“Clark?” she asked, startling the young man. “Where’s Brainy?”

“Hey! Uhm, well, you see, hehehehe,” Clark rubbed the back of his head. She didn’t need telepathy to see the embarrassment clearly written on his face.

“Again, Clark?!” Saturn Girl glared at her teammate. She marched right up to the Kryptonian and yanked him by the ear. Clark was surprised; she usually only did that to Lightning Lad, and even then it was only when he was in really big trouble.

“Go find him,” Saturn Girl warned before pushing him down the corridor. “We have an important dinner tonight!”

…..

Phantom Girl whacked at the cutting board, trying and miserably failing to cut the vegetables laid out before her. She became frustrated with a peeled carrot that refused to stay in place whenever she attempted to chop it. She didn’t want this to take forever, so she gripped the knife handle with both hands and began jabbing down at the carrot, satisfied that it was at least yielding some cut pieces, however jagged-looking.

Timber Wolf was monitoring two pots of boiling food when he heard the erratic pounding behind him. He frowned and slowly turned around to glare at his teammate. Slightly curious as to why she was using so much energy to chop vegetables, the young man made his way over to her station. He peered over her shoulder…

…and face-palmed.

The girl was literally stabbing the carrot. Timber Wolf could only shake his head and chuckle at the scene.

Phantom Girl looked over her shoulder to find Timber Wolf laughing at her. She scowled and narrowed her eyes, but her face softened when she saw how cute Timber Wolf actually looked, laughing shyly with his Cheshire grin that curved ever so slightly at the corners. She almost wanted him to keep laughing, as a smile from Brin Londo was a rare sight, but she had to ask, “What’s so funny?”

“The way you cut vegetables,” he answered, crossing his arms.

“What does it matter how they’re cut?”

“You’re doing it wrong.”

“Ugh, I wish you’d stop telling me what to do!”

“And I wish you’d stop acting like a princess.”

Phantom Girl abruptly turned back to her vegetables and lifted her knife to continue where she had left off. She’d cut them however way she wanted! Phantom Girl took a good look at the roughly hacked vegetable fragments scattered about the cutting board, some had even fallen off the sides onto the counter.  

It really looked like a mess.

Phantom Girl sighed and hung her head low, slowly lowering the knife back down. Why couldn’t she do this?

Just then, two long, muscular arms came around from behind and calmly took hold of her wrists. Phantom Girl blushed and felt butterflies in her belly. Timber Wolf was standing right behind her. She watched as his left hand guided her left hand to gather three fresh carrots. Then his right hand wrapped around hers, slowly maneuvering her fingers to establish the right grip on the knife. His touch was surprisingly gentle, she noted, yet she knew that they held a mighty strength within them. She felt intrigued that the very claws that could rip through countless enemies in battle and tear robots to shreds could hold her so softly.     

“Hold the ends this way, and slice at an angle,” Timber Wolf patiently began, slowly guiding her right hand up and down as they sliced along the carrots, leaving trails of perfectly cut sections.

“Keep the pointed end down, and just guide the blade along, you don’t need to put much force into it,” he continued. “As for the asparagus, there’s a slightly different technique…”

Timber Wolf used his own hand to reach for the tall green bundles, and as he did so his chest gently brushed up against Phantom Girl’s back. She initially tensed, but then her nose caught an extraordinarily pleasant and unusual mix of aromas – warm cinnamon and the scent of freshly baked goods, intertwined with the deep, wooden fragrance of a summer forest. Phantom Girl breathed in and slowly closed her eyes…

…and she was no longer there.

She was not in the Legion kitchen. In fact, she was not even at HQ. When the girl’s eyes fluttered open, she found herself in a lush meadow surrounded by mountains and rays of sunlight. She was wearing a long, white summertime dress that gently billowed around her ankles in the warm breeze. She stretched her arms to the sky and smiled, feeling as though she could go wherever the wind takes her.

And right now, the wind blew towards the nearby forest, so that was where she went.

The young woman ran through the forest, enjoying every sight and sound, her jet black hair bouncing from side to side. With skin so pale and the delicate fabric of her dress gliding across her limbs, one would think a ghost was flying through the woods.

Outside the forest, she found herself in a quiet clearing. She picked up some lavender and yellow flowers before catching sight of a cottage, gorgeous in its natural décor yet welcoming in its simplicity. The smell of apple pie from the cottage delighted her senses, and the girl happily made her way to the humble abode.  

When she opened the door, her grey eyes widened at what she saw.

Leaning against the kitchen counter was a shirtless Timber Wolf, whose long, dark hair blew behind and about him from the draft that Phantom Girl had just let in. He held the steaming hot apple pie in one hand and gestured at her with the other.

“I’ve been waiting for you, Tinya,” he said, smiling at her. Phantom Girl brought the flowers up to her face to hide her blush and batted her eyelashes.  

“Got it?”

“Huh?!” Phantom Girl was immediately ripped from her reverie as her consciousness reclaimed the reality of the large, cold, white Legion kitchen. Timber Wolf’s arms were no longer wrapped around her, and she looked over her shoulder to see that Timber Wolf was already standing a few feet away, looking back at her with an eyebrow raised from her odd exclamation.   

“Y-Yeah,” she stuttered, smiling and quickly nodding. Timber Wolf gave her another confused look before heading back to the stove. She looked down at her cutting board to find numerous vegetables immaculately sliced and neatly shoved to the side for her to continue.

‘Got it? Got what? What was I supposed to get?’ she thought. Lost in her fantasies, she had no idea what Timber Wolf had instructed her to do next.

She put her elbows on the counter and buried her face in her hands, sighing deeply. She would hate to have to make him repeat himself – for sure he would demand why she hadn’t been paying attention. One question did linger in her mind though as she peeked at Timber Wolf’s back through the space between her fingers.

How could he have that kind of effect on her?

“I’m baaacck!” Chameleon Boy shouted as he wobbled into the kitchen with several grocery bags.  

“Took you long enough,” Timber Wolf grumbled, walking over to him. “Did you get all the meat?”

“You bet,” Cham said as he got out each one from the bags. “Chicken, lobster, and my dad’s personal favorite, Durlan duck meat!”

“And the drinks for the adults?”

“But of course,” Cham mimicked a French accent and presented the champagne bottle with dramatic hand gestures, “Pierre Gimonnet et Fils.”   

“Alright, take over the pasta I have boiling over there while I get these simmered and seasoned...”  

After a few moments, Phantom Girl cut up some more ingredients as best she could when she looked up and saw Timber Wolf toss chopped grilled meat and veggies into the air. She watched in genuine amazement as all the food landed flawlessly back onto the pan before he placed it back onto the fiery cooker.  

“Wow! How did you that?” she asked, walking over to him. Timber Wolf took a second saucepan and again smoothly and expertly tossed its contents into the air.

“Wow! Wow!” was all the girl could say.

“I can show you how if you’d stop sayin’ that,” Timber Wolf said. He retrieved a frying pan from the cabinet and put a round flatbread on it.

“It’s all in the wrist. Tilt the pan slightly towards the ground first and then -” he demonstrated for her, effortlessly making the flatbread flip twice before it landed back on the pan. 

“Your turn,” he handed it to her.

“Ok!” Phantom Girl bit her lip and readied herself, partially motioning the throw while mentally counting one, two, and -!

Instead of the flatbread simply going up and back down, it soared through the air and landed on Cham’s head.

“Oh! I am so sorry!” Phantom Girl cringed. She hesitantly glanced at Timber Wolf, expecting him to growl at her clumsiness, but was shocked to find him laughing.

Phantom Girl huffed and crossed her arms. “Well I’m glad you find me so amusing today,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“What can I say? You’re a funny girl,” Timber Wolf smirked at her. Phantom Girl turned her back to him, but it was more to hide her blush as a scene from her earlier daydream flashed across her mind.

Just then, Brainiac-5 came moonwalking into the kitchen. He stopped when he came by Timber Wolf’s strawberry cheesecake sitting on the counter.

“Oooh what’s this?” the android said, picking up the pastry.

“Hey!” Timber Wolf barked, quickly getting to him and snatching the cake out of his hands.

“There you are Brainy,” an out-of-breath Superman called from the kitchen’s entrance.

“Ain’t you supposed to be watching him, Supes?” Timber Wolf asked, irritated.

“Brainy get over here now!” Superman sternly warned, but the android ignored him as he performed robotic dance moves, mechanical whines sounding from his joints as he twisted and turned. Then Brainy extended his robotic arms and began opening all the kitchen cabinets and throwing their contents everywhere. Cups, plates, and cutlery went flying about, and Timber Wolf and Superman did their best to catch and save the breakables. Chameleon Boy tried to tackle Brainy but the android spun out of the way. Brainy then came by the large basket of fruits and started tossing each one behind him. Timber Wolf caught as many as he could. After a few more moments of chaos, Superman finally managed to seize Brainy, tying his wobbly arms into a knot.  

“Sorry about this, guys,” Clark said, exiting the kitchen carrying a kicking and screaming Brainy.    

“A little help over here?” Cham and Phantom Girl turned to see Timber Wolf struggling to balance the enormous pile of fruits he had to catch.

“Right! I got the basket!” Phantom Girl went to retrieve the container, but as Timber Wolf took a step forward he slipped on one of the fruits on the floor and fell on his bottom, dropping everything he carried. Phantom Girl busted out laughing.

“It’s not that funny,” Timber Wolf growled.

“Hey what can I say,” Phantom Girl said between laughs, “you’re a funny guy!”   

…..      …..

“Now Brainy are you sure you’re up for this? You don’t have to join us,” Saturn Girl asked.

“I’m fine,” Brainiac-5 assured. “The Alignment is over, and I’m the only one here who can argue our case with actual data.” 

Phantom Girl and Saturn Girl exchanged a concerned glance before hesitantly following him toward the large, white-clothed dinner table.  

The delegates arrived at six o’clock sharp, and Cosmic Boy led them into the Legion dining hall where they were greeted by nine other Legionnaires: Bouncing Boy, Triplicate Girl, Superman, Brainiac-5, Lightning Lad, Saturn Girl, Timber Wolf, Phantom Girl, and Chameleon Boy. Cosmic Boy took his place in the middle, between Lightning Lad and Saturn Girl, and greeted the distinguished guests.  

“Madame President, Mr. Brande, Secretary General, and Ambassador to the New Worlds, we are honored by your presence here this evening. We welcome you to the official headquarters of the Legion of Superheroes.”

“Thank you for the cordial invitation,” Winema obliged. “Shall we get started on the dinner?”

Everyone took their seats, and small, white serving drones hovered about, gently setting down the plates and glasses for the esteemed guests first before serving the Legionnaires.

“My, this looks absolutely delicious!” the Secretary General complimented. “May I inquire as to which professional catering company this was ordered from?”

“Actually Timber Wolf designed the banquet,” Saturn Girl said, gesturing over to her teammate.

“Excellent, young man,” the Secretary General and the three other guests clapped for Timber Wolf.

Timber Wolf sharply looked at Phantom Girl sitting beside him. “Why you kickin’ me?” he hissed silently.

“Stand up and bow,” Phantom Girl hissed back, smiling through clenched teeth. Timber Wolf sighed and reluctantly stood up, bowing twice before sitting back down. The applause ended and the feast began, with menial chatter until dessert time, when the serious questions began.

“Cosmic Boy, what motivated you and your colleagues, Lightning Lad and Saturn Girl,” the Ambassador gestured towards the Legionnaires flanking him, “to start this superhero team?”

Cosmic Boy explained how the three of them first met and saved RJ Brande. “We realized that young people from different worlds could use their powers to protect others, and we pledged to make that our life’s work.”  

“Saturn Girl, what’s the most memorable mission you all have had?” Winema asked. 

“Well, one night we stumbled upon a creepy, abandoned-looking space station – Quavermass 12. We all had to face our deepest fears, but it drew us closer as a team.”

“Lightning Lad, what would you consider a major drawback for your organization?” the Secretary asked.

“Well for one our work would be a lot easier if the Science Police didn’t consider us as vigilante freaks that get in the way of law enforcement. With your signatures on the charter, it will show the galaxy that we are a legitimate superhero organization that is serious about our mission.”

Cosmic Boy glared at his fellow founder. They had planned that he would present the contract to the leaders. Cosmic Boy would have done it at the right time and in the right tone.  

“We understand your concerns and admire your ambition,” the Secretary General stated, “but before any decision is made, we need to know where your organization is headed. We need to know how effective the Legion is and how serious you are with your goals.”

“If I may, sir,” Brainiac-5 offered. “Our statistics show that crime rate in New Metropolis has decreased twenty-three percent since the establishment of the Legion. That is a six-fold greater outcome than what the Science Police has done in the past four decades. Not only are we stopping crime, we are preventing it.”

“Alright, and where do you, Brainiac-5, see the Legion in ten years?” the Secretary inquired.  

“Ten years…” Brainiac-5 said slowly, starting to fidget. “Well that’s uh, that’s not what I, I mean, that’s quite some time from now, sixty-five carry the two add the quotient of the square root of pi which is 3.141592 –”

Everyone stared as Brainy started twitching with sparks flying out of his neck.

“Uh oh,” Superman said, and tried to grab the android beside him who was jerkily rising from his seat. Brainy dodged him and jumped onto the table and started robot-dancing again, knocking over people’s food and spilling drinks.

“Pie! More pie! Endless pie!” Brainy shouted, and shoved a slice of strawberry cheesecake into the Secretary General’s face. Various Legionnaires got up and tried to control the situation, but the android flipped upside down onto his head and spun around the dining room like a top. The spinning knocked over Winema’s chair and she fell. 

“Mom!” Phantom Girl rushed over, Timber Wolf following. As they helped the President, Brainiac-5 came and stood over them.

“In the name of Pi, I now pronounce you man and wife!” the android grabbed the back of their heads and pushed their faces together.  

“Oh my,” Winema mumbled, a hand covering her slight smile as she witnessed her daughter kissing Timber Wolf. Timber Wolf’s eyes were wide in shock and Phantom Girl’s hands flailed around her.     

Superman seized the opportunity to tackle Brainy. Timber Wolf and Phantom Girl gasped as they separated. They gawked at each other for a moment before looking away in embarrassment. This time Phantom Girl didn’t just have a blush – her face was beet red.   

Winema was about to say something when the bodyguards of the delegates rushed in.

“Hey! What’s going on in here?!” one shouted. The suited men rushed over to the leaders and led them out of the Legion dining hall.

“Great, there goes our chance,” Saturn Girl groaned. 

“Now we get to spend yet another year of the Science Police treating us like dirt,” Lightning Lad said, looking over at Brainy who was being carried away by Clark back to his holding chamber.

…..

Later that night, Phantom Girl sat alone in the Legion kitchen with her chin resting on her hands.

Timber Wolf stood at the entrance for a moment before walking over and taking a seat next to her.

“Sorry all the food went to waste,” the girl said.

“It’s alright,” Timber Wolf shrugged. “And you?”

Phantom Girl sighed deeply. “It’s just, my mom’s always expected great things from me, you know? I wanted to make her see that I am doing something serious with my life. Now I’m not sure what she thinks.”

Timber Wolf regarded her for a moment before looking forward, golden eyes resting on nothing in particular as he thought a bit before responding.

“Sometimes parents expect a lot out of their kids. Sometimes they want you to go one way when you want to go the other.” Phantom Girl looked at Timber Wolf, remembering what his father put him through.

“But you’re happy here,” he said, looking back at her. “And I’m happy here. That’s all that matters. Maybe one day, our parents will see that.”

Phantom Girl looked at her teammate, taking in his words. “Thank you,” she smiled.   

The two Legionnaires sat there in silence for a few more moments until Timber Wolf stood up.

“We never did eat our dessert. There’s still some strawberry cheesecake left. How about we have dessert together? Just the two of us.” Timber Wolf offered his hand to Phantom Girl, who smiled as she took it.

“I’d like that.”

…..

~ Part of the larger series Fur, Inc., My Princess, and Other Stories on 

~ The Legion of Superheroes is owned by